You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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