So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
