I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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