My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
