Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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