It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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