Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
