Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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