How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
