During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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