How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize