you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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