She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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