Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
