'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
