My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
