I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
