conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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