i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
