If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize