Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
