My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
