I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
