A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
