i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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