Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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