Say something about gay babies.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
