im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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