I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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