Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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