It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
