those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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