The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
