Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
