wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
