I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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