Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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