i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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