mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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