so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
