i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
stop calling my apartment porn island.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
