my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
