I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
