Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
