what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
