I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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