Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
