just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
