I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
