Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
