you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
