Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ladies don't puke and tell
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
