I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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