k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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