went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
