he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
