I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just sucked dick on a ferry
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
