Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
