Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
