Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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