Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
