just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
