you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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