i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
