i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
