something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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