Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
third nipple confirmed
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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