it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Swine flu is the new snow day.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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