Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My bed smells like the plague
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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