my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
