You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
