i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
