Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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