I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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