Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
