"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
