u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
