My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
