I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
