I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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