Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
