I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
