so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
