Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
