here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
