arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
