Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
