CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
