If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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