Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
