We named our party play list daddy issues
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
