I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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