I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
only if we run a train.
done.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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