I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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