This is not my ceiling
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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