Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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