Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
