I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
